The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
