My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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