did you get engaged???
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
