i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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