i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
