don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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