I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
