I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Just high enough for therapy.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
