Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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