the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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