i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
