When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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