And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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