When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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