you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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