so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
