so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
me + whiskey = a bad person
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
