My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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