I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
