If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
