Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Come share oat with me in your robe
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
