You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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