I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
