porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
