I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
birth control should be required to get into college
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
