Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You've changed since you got that strap on
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
