there's paper in my vomit.
Farmville is her only friend.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Hippo gnu deer
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
