Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
