there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
