i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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