ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
