Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
