One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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