How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
