After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
