You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
