So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
