Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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