I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
sex in a hospital.. check
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
