I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
