I'm lost and stupid without you.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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