I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
