I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
