Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
