garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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