tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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