mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
