She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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