I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
