I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
be right there i have to get my cape
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
