I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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