ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
