wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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