There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
