Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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