She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
