I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
