theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
