I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Can't talk, ducks in the car
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
