when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
This can only be settled by a dance off.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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