I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
you had me at cake vodka
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize