she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
