ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
