There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
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