The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
