Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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