): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
