time to smoke my breakfast
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
