they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
