we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
