Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
This is the high leading the old right now
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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