I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
