You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Every concussion has its silver lining
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
