Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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