You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I need water and some morals
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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